Good Samaritan Sister Geraldine Kearney said it was a moving experience to give a presentation on Loss and Grief in Religious Life recently, with the subject matter touching on a range of vulnerable areas for those living in congregations affected by rapid change and diminishment.

By Debra Vermeer

The event was hosted by Catholic Religious Australia’s Health and Wellbeing Committee and took place on 17 September at the Peter Cosgrove Centre at Australian Catholic University, North Sydney.

Almost 100 people attended, either in person or online, with participants including religious women and men, and those working in health, pastoral care and wellbeing for religious congregations.

“It was a really moving thing to do,” Geraldine said. “I did a lot of research and speaking with people from various congregations. I owe a debt of gratitude to those people for helping me in my understanding.

“As well, it was a challenging thing for me personally because our congregation, the Sisters of the Good Samaritan, is also ageing. We are facing these same kinds of changes and challenges, including last year’s decision by the Leadership team to place a pause on taking in new members at this time.

“For a lot of us, especially those who have worked in formation, including me, that has been a painful thing to accept and come to terms with. There is definitely some grief and loss felt about that.”

Geraldine’s presentation focused on three key areas:

• Understanding grief;
• Understanding the stages and process of grief; and
• Facing grief and loss in religious Life today.

“Grief is a deep, natural, emotional and physical response to a significant loss,” she said.

“Grief ebbs and flows and many things can evoke a grief response. It can be evoked by a scene, a song, a word or even by a resemblance of someone.

“We get fond of people, we make very strong bonds in families and strong bonds of affection in communities, and it is understandable that we will experience strong emotional reactions when these bonds are lost.”

Geraldine said that normal adult reactions to grief can include:

• Crying, at times uncontrollably;
• Tightness in the throat and heaviness in the chest;
• Increase or decrease in appetite;
• Guilt over unfinished business or personal irresponsibility;
• Restlessness;
• Inability to concentrate;
• Anger at self, others and God; and
• Flying off the handle at seemingly insignificant things.

She said the grief experience can encompass a three-phase process of shock, preoccupation and, finally, resolution – it should not be rushed through.

“Maybe sometimes it takes a longer time to get from one stage to another, depending on where you’re at, what your relationship was, what help you might be getting,” she said in her presentation.

“For many of us here today we will be especially aware of the current and anticipated losses many religious congregations and communities are facing today.”

For example:

• Loss of number of members;
• Loss of properties;
• Loss of finances;
• Loss of identity;
• Loss of ministries;
• Loss of Mother House;
• Completion; and
• Amalgamation.

“In my conversations, I was aware of the deep pain associated with the losses, and the drastic measures that some congregations have had to take, especially financially.”

Geraldine said the reality of diminishing numbers of ageing Religious and a lack of new vocations in Australia was now being more widely felt, with some congregations engaged in the canonical journey towards completion. There were also deep feelings of grief stemming from the Church abuse crisis.

In all of this, Geraldine said that reaching out for support was an important way to help cope with feelings of grief or loss.

Some congregations journeying towards completion gained support through entities such as the Emerging Futures Collaborative, Geraldine said.

Another example of support for smaller congregations was the Small is Beautiful group supporting religious across Melbourne.

“Twenty-three years ago, a group was formed to support religious women from small congregations living in Melbourne who had come from overseas to serve within the local Church,” she said.

Today, representing 31 congregations, the Small is Beautiful network lives on, the only group of its kind in Australia, bringing together religious women (and now some religious men) for formation, friendship and support.

“So, there might be only two or three in their community, but they have the wider support of the group, meaning that with these congregations there is a balancing of grief and hope,” Geraldine said.

“Balancing grief and hope within modern religious congregations requires a delicate tension: holding space for deep sorrow without rushing to theological comfort, while still pointing toward a meaningful future. When forced too quickly, ‘hope’ can feel like toxic positivity; when absent, grief can lead to despair.”

Geraldine said that in seeking to process the grief and loss, the whole person has to be considered.

“We need to take care of mind, body and spirit,” she said. “We can’t just say it’s God’s will, which we know it is. But to face the human reality of loss is important. To name the grief and to walk the pathway of grief.”

She suggested that it could be helpful to create a mourning ritual that is meaningful to Religious and their communities.

In offering guidance to caregivers, Geraldine said they could help grieving members of religious congregations by listening and encouraging them to talk and express their feelings and providing time and support for them to adjust to their new reality.

“Listen with the ear of your heart,” she said. “That’s very dear to me because in the Rule of Benedict, St Benedict says to Listen with the ear of your heart.”

It was also important to be aware of different coping styles, and to be able to “spot trouble” and know when to refer people to relevant professionals when needed.

“Helping to foster a capacity for gratitude helps bring closure to a life, or relationship,” she said. “And recognition of finitude as a necessary part of life also helps.

“You, as carers, are an integral part of the congregation’s future. You’ve only got to look around and see the hope and trust placed in you for that safe passage in time of grief for members of our congregations – and not only for the congregations, for the Church and the world.”

Throughout the day, participants were invited to pause and take part in small group reflective discussion and share their own experiences of grief and loss with the broader group.

“It was a good day, with good discussion, and I think it was helpful to those who came, so hopefully it will bear some fruit,” said Geraldine.